May Blog (Final One)

Well, it’s been an amazing school year, I started off incredibly strong and seemed to falter towards the end, but I’m still here. I’m feeling…. okay I suppose. I mean ultimately how am I supposed to feel? Elated? Excited? I mean I’m happy to be graduating, but honestly I’m just ready. Is that an emotion? I’m ready. At peace, I’m ready to just finally push through the proverbial doors to adulthood. It’s not without fear; I think I speak for every senior when I say it’s freighting…. but there’s a sense of urgency within me. I’m ready for the new chapter. I’m proud of the growth I’ve had as a person. I’ve grown so much. I’ve grown in my securities as a person— as a man. I’ve been working hard to reach my personal goals, which mainly have been financial. None of which would be possible without my girlfriend, she’s been with me every step of the way. If there’s one thing I want to remember about this senior year… it’s her. I want to remember it all, but this year was worth remembering due to Nahla. I can’t thank her enough. If I could send this to future me, I would wonder how my life turned out. Am I doing engineering? I’m I a tattoo artist? Is Nahla still apart of our life? Are we married? Kids?! You better name him/her something normal!!

If I could send a message to future self, don’t buy that house; don’t even dare buying that Lamborghini. I know you have 6 figures, but save it up for your kids and Nahla. Did you ever get a chance to visit Rome? Did we go out of county? Did we go to the Bahamas with Nahla in 2019 for her birthday? Was it a scam? I hope not. I really hope that we enjoyed it, if we did go. I hope we had a ball. I really need something like that. Nahla means a lot to me, hopefully she doesn’t ruin it. I know we won’t break up because of me at least lol. But even then she deserves that too. She deserves that and much more and my love for her will always remain deep as long as I preserve this memory of her of now. It’s the version of love I want to last a lifetime, or the thought of it at least. Thank you Nahla for being easy to love, I hope we’re still together lmao. I want answers future me, you better write back to me.

My aspirations for the next years are strictly financial and personal. I want to fix my home in Detroit, it’s a beautiful home. I plan on moving in with my beautiful girlfriend. Are we moving too fast? Hell no. I don’t care what nobody’s says, because we’re not. We’re going up!!! I also want to touch 100-150K next year. I’d love to touch $1M, but I’m giving myself a realistic goal. I want to be happy, because I really haven’t been lately. I hope my family is healthy and alive, I hope the Lions have won at least 1 playoff game. I just want happiness, hopefully no wars or violence. Peace, love, and happiness. Is that asking too much?

I want to stop being so busy and booked for my family. I need to make a better effort to see them more. I want to spend more time with them seeing as all of our days our numbered, I don’t mean to be morbid; but unfortunately death comes knocking on all of our doors sooner or later. Hopefully much much later, I still need a lifetime of memories to make with my family. I need to stop doing things that might hurt my relationship. I want it to last forever so I’m hoping I can do everything on my end to make it last as long as possible. I want to start making my efforts better known, I want to be more reliable for people. For Nahla. I just want to be looked at as a real person. By both of my little brothers. By friends. By everyone. I wanna continue to hustle and grind and use my words to help me get past. I mean that in the sense like being very communicative and that’s with everything. I want to communicate better. I honestly NEED to do that better…. but I’m working on it. It’s a toxic masculinity thing I suppose, but I’ll overcome that. I’m very capable and I have too much to lose if I don’t. I just want to be a better human and a better friend. I want to be a better Antearo. It’s my goal. I deserve that lifestyle. I deserve to be that person. More importantly, the rest of the world deserves that. I hope whoever reads this haves a good rest of their lives. It starts tomorrow for us

From Antearo

Class of 2019.

April

“How do you feel at this point in the school year”

I’m at a point where I’m very very tired. I’m not even going to lie; I just want to get school over with. I want to GRADUATE!!!! I want to just get this the heck over with. I can’t lie, I’ve been going to school since 2004. I’ve been in educational institutions since 03′ (like training/preschool) and now here we are at 2019, 16 years later and I’m tired of this.

“How do you handle stress?”

Who said I was able to handle my stress?!? Lol I don’t really handle my stress, I just kind of get by, I’m overwhelmed. I’m upset, I’m just lost trying to make it. I know that this will pass though. I’ll figure it out someday soon.

“Describe senioritis”

“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

I really feel like I’ll be able to get past all my issues in my life and really apply myself in life and really be successful. I think I can be very good at business and other things I pursue, I’m very confident in that. I see myself doing exactly what’s necessary to achieve those goals. Right now my main goal is getting helped. I’m finding that help now. Look me up in 2029. Hopefully I’m Forbes list. Hopefully I’m changing the world. Building sanitation units for kids in parks as a civil engineer or something. Maybe I’m a process server who wants to get into journalism and host a radio show. Who knows? Only God and time will tell.

To Ahna Felix-Brown,

No syntax, amount of words, or phrases will ever come close to describing how much I’ve appreciated having you as a teacher. You’re an African-American like me. You’re a woman, unlike me. But I see sooo much of who I want to be in you and the things you preach. I see family in you. I see personal relationships in you. I see friendships. What I’m trying to say is, you’re a big part of our community. You’re a big part of who we are. You’ve touched me spiritually and I know I’m not alone in that feeling. I’m truly devastated that I couldn’t see you one last time before graduation. I hope I’ll see your face in the crowd, but for now what I can say is get well…. the community needs your fingerprint all over the future generation of scholars. I know I rambled a lot just now, but I was speaking from the soul unfiltered. I hope to see you soon.

With love, happiness, and support

your student forever,

Antearo Epperson

xoxo

March

Stagnant. I’ve described my life as very stagnant as of late. Just not moving in the speeds I wish it would. It’s been stagnant for months. I’m not happy with life or anything in it. I’m not happy with work. School. My friends or relationship or anything. Not that they’re bad, but I’m not happy with myself of any of it. I feel like I’m stuck in quicksand. I just want to graduate so I can get out of the pits of hell in which I consider school. I don’t have senioritis, I have lifeiritis. I want to finish college before I’ve even started, because I’m tired of new beginnings. New people. New challenges. I’m so tired. So what’s the change and how’s the change been as of late? The thing is, I’ve always felt this way. There can’t be any mountains when you just live in valleys and valleys alone. There can’t be any highs when all you experience are lows. How can there be sunshine when you live in a rain cloud? I don’t put on a front. I just make do with the current situation life gives me. I can’t/don’t try to fool anyone, because I can’t even fool myself. There’s nothing positive to say. I’m not happy, but I’m not suicidal or anything. Just maintaining…. at least there’s always a balance in that sense. God hasn’t let me down with that. I’ve been able to maintain the piss-poor quality of life and I’m comfortable with it. I accept it. I’ve tried to hard to change my situation. At this point I just want it to be over with. How’s my last 4-5 years been? Same. Last 4-5 months? Same. Last 4-5 weeks? Same. Last 4-5 days? The absolute same and it’s never ending. I just maintain. All I need to do is maintain. It’s the only thing I have been able to do.

February

Featured

These songs that I’m going to list are of my all time favorite songs. Now some of these songs are new and some are older. My taste changes year-to-year. They’re in no particular order. But I honestly love them all the same. Here’s some of the soundtracks to my life currently.

Drake- Mob Ties (2018) https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/mob-ties/1418213110

The reason I love this song a lot is, because it remind me of the summer of 2018, when I used to hang with my friends and my girlfriend. I use to play the song at work and while I worked out. It’s just such a good hype song, it makes me feel very jacked so obviously a great workout track. I like the adlibs in the background by Migos, makes the track true fire. It honestly was apart of one of the greatest moments of my life. The entire album is apart of some of the greatest few months of my life. I’ll always love this track.

Post Malone- Blame It On Me (2018) https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/blame-it-on-me/1373516902?i=1373517317

I love this song, because it’s just really good and catchy, I enjoyed his entire Beerbongs and Bentley’s album as a collective whole. I like the lyrics to this song and specifically a line where he said

“Everyday’s the same, yeah, I just watch ’em go
As I scrape away through the impossible
Yeah, I played the game but it was all for show
Tryna find my way, I nearly lost it though
Now I see dead people, most have no faith
Where did the time go? A watch with no face
They hit the ceiling but my roof likes space
I took my chances so won’t you

Blame it on me” to me that sounds like everyone in his life is almost blaming every small inconvenience or problem on him simply because they want to or because they can. When you’re successful, people will leach you because ultimately they want to taste success through you. In this song Post questioned why all these things were happening to him in his life. As the song goes on he comes to terms that it’s not his fault.

“It’s all my fault that I’m addicted to the clothes
It’s all my fault, I paid the cost, yeah
It’s all my fault that I ain’t givin’ up my soul
It’s all my fault

Watchin’ me bleed
You cut me down on my knees
No matter what you believe
I think we both can agree

That you can’t blame it on me
It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault, it’s not my fault
Blame it on me
It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault, it’s not my fault
I couldn’t breathe
Almost lost myself, couldn’t stop myself I did it all
You can’t blame it on me, ayy
It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault, it’s not my fault“

J-Cole- Neighbors (2016) https://youtu.be/CkpbkDB7EUk

I like this song, because it talks about police brutality a little bit which is prevalent to a African American man such as I. It talks about the struggle with fame and wealth. In one of the opening lines, J. Cole says ” I don’t want no picture with the president, I just want to talk to the man…” and this is clearly about when he met President Obama in 2015, and he’s implying that he doesn’t want the pictures or fame, because he simply doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want the photo-op with the president, he wants to actually talk to him about issues that’s happening in America in the hopes that he could actually change it.

Lauryn Hill- Ex-Factor (1998) https://youtu.be/cE-bnWqLqxE

I love this song, because it reminds me of when I was a kid listening to this song, I enjoy this song, because it’s so calming I truly can remember this playing while my mom picked me up from school when I was in like kindergarten. At that point the song had only been out 5-6 years. That song/album turns 21 years old later this year. The song came out 2 years before I was born. I don’t consider myself old. But I consider the song old. Nevertheless I love this song and it brings nothing, but joy and nostalgia back. Another soundtrack of my life.

Last, but certainly not least.

New Balance- Jhene Aiko (2017)

Words don’t do the song justice. So here’s a video.

https://share.icloud.com/photos/02tI2j6x0QLRSV4yAF9tXtG-A

November

Dear Nahla,

The month of November was a month of trials and tribulations. That’s goes for our relationship especially. We had our high and lows, but one thing that I learned was ,that patience is a virtue. All things good come with sacrifice and with a wait. You’re one of the most dedicated and hardest workers I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. I respect those aspects about you. I respect your hustle. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from each other. I don’t take any of the time with you for granted. November is universally associated with giving thanks and grace for the things that are good in your life. I want to thank the bad in my life too. You frequently tell me to do that. So I appreciate the struggles I’m going through with work, graduation pace, and my personal life. I desperately want to struggle, because without struggle, there can never be true progress. I know Frederick Douglas said something similar to that, and it’s absolutely true. I believe in the saying that “if you want to go fast go alone. And if you want to go far go together” is true. I’m doing this with you Nahla.

I want to further my friendship with you. I use the term friendship, because we are great relationship-wise, but our friendship could always be better. We argue. We disagree. We come pretty close to hand-to-hand combat. We always figure things out though lol. I want to take this time to actually apologize to you as well. I want to be more than enough for you and I know you go through issues and sometimes it’s hard for me to be there for you. It’s going to change. I know you say everything is fine, but I WANT to be better. I don’t want there ever to be a shred of doubt or hesitation in my intentions. My intentions with you have always been pure and always will be. I don’t believe in dragging out simple thoughts so I just lastly want to tell you that I love you. 2019 will be a year of prosperity. Let’s see how December pans out too. Stay warm.

Yours Truly,

Antearo Epperson

Venus

“Snow”. I can definitively remember saying that word aloud. I’ll never forget gazing beyond the lines of the tree tops; towards the sky and seeing an army of miniature crystalline flakes. Miniature sculptures, works of art hand crafted by God Himself. So divine, so much attention to detail…I think He did the same with you. It was 27 degrees. I remember, because I wanted it to be 6 degrees warmer . Partially because I forgot my coat at home, but mainly because it was December 7th 2017. I wanted it to be warmer, because I didn’t want it to snow the first day of us being together. I had every intention on becoming your companion that day. I love snow, but I felt that snow could decrease the mood (it can be pretty gloomy) and I needed every little ounce ounce of luck on my side to ensure that I’d be able to make you mine. It worked too. You belong to me >:).

Now of course, I know you’re not a possession. You’re a gift. You’re more than a gift, if I’m going to be candid. You’re a blessing and lifesaver. You’re a blessing to me, because I feel almost as if you saved me. A debt I will never be able to repay. I think it’s the only debt in history that’s worth having, because I get to be with you forever. I know young love is often laughed upon and rightfully so. Most people in our age group doesn’t know who they are. 16-18 years of life isn’t enough to say you know who you are. Especially when you haven’t been independent on your own. Naive is what it is right?But all of those things considered fully… I say you don’t know how full my heart is. I don’t think about anything else, but you all day. I’ve dreamt about you every single night since I met you. All of my best days of living on this world happened since I met you. I’m not afraid to say I love you irrevocably and unforgivingly, because it is true. I do love you, with every fiber and every blood cell in my body. I love your imperfections. I love your voice. I love your smile. I love your laugh. Most importantly…I love ALL of the things you hate about yourself, because I all around love YOU. I try to give you my all wether it’s financially, emotionally, or physically. It’s not an easy task. It’s the one I’m up for though. Because we fight everyday for each other. We make mistakes too. We’re only human and I forgive you for your mistakes always, and that’s not a trait that’s necessarily a positive, but I’m always looking to turn any negative situation into a teaching moment. For not only you, but for me as well.

Going into this relationship, I knew that I wanted everything I listed above. I’m thankful for that bone chilling Thursday early last December. I wouldn’t be here without you. It takes two to tango, and I mean that in the sense that I needed your help to get here…. (not the other meaning of that phrase). I appreciate you and everything you’ve meant and every will mean to me. For caring. For be relentlessly courteous. I adore those traits. I’m infatuated by you in numerous ways. I only hope I make you feel half as good as you make me feel. I titled this blog Venus in honor of you. She’s the Roman goddess of love, desire, beauty, and prosperity. You exemplify those characteristics so effortlessly. You work hard. You love hard. You just do everything at 11. I admire that. It’s one of the reasons I admire you…. and have for a year. Happy One Year Anniversary.

I love you Nahla. You’re my bestfriend. The bestest anyone could ask for at that.

No measure of time w/ you will EVER be long enough, but let’s start with FOREVER. ~ Edward Cullen ( i know it’s cheesy)

…. (but it’s true)

Here’s to more years of compromising and polar opposite dualities, as well as happiness and affirmation.

~ A.

Recap of the year in a few photos:

October

Earlier on in my already young life, I talked about leaving Michigan to explore the other side of the continent (the globe for that matter). Well now I’m at a point in my life where I can make that feasible, but I constantly asked myself “Where in the heavens do I want to go?” I think I have an idea….

The first quarter of 2019 is hard anyways, and not for academic or personal reasons. The first 3 months of the new year will be hard, because I’m saving practically 2-3K up. I’m headed to the Sunshine State. During spring break I’m taking a trip to Florida with my girlfriend and friends. I plan on hitting all the tourist spots. Disney World, Universal Studios, and Busch Garden as well as many other attractions. I’ve already booked the hotel room. I’ve paid it off as well. I have to get my flights there and back, but that’s only going to be about $400 for a round trip. I’m saving up for spending money as well as souvenirs and things of that nature. I’m very proud that I planned this trip and I’m excited to visit one of my favorite states in the US.

During the month of October I made a journey myself. I once heard a quote by Drake (of all people) that “sometimes it’s the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination.”, and that’s absolutely true. I went to Cedar Points: Halloweekends, a place where my family has been going for years and oddly enough, was only established in 1997! The journey was tumultuous, but the destination was so sweet. I chose to go with my girlfriend on a Friday and we had an absolute ball. While we were down there we saw Halloween (2018) and just had so much fun. It was honestly one of my greatest weekends ever. The next day we went to the movies (again) and saw Smallfoot and we went to breakfast, because it was Sweetest Day. We had tons of fun at the mall afterwards and chilled and watched movies at home with her family the rest of the day.

I don’t take any of my moments with her for granted. When you care about someone or something for that matter… you have to show them that. We live on this Earth only once and I’ll be damned if I don’t live it to the fullest potential with happiness, love and purity. I chose to talk about this weekend in particular, because I think it’s okay to sometimes just take a spontaneous trip and enjoy things with the people you care about. Life is short. To use the words of Drake, again (he has so many good ones) ” You only live once, that’s the motto… YOLO”

About Me

My name is Antearo Epperson, I am a student at Southfield High School for the Art’s & Technology. I am in my senior year, and what’s typically an “easy” year for most… might be MY most challenging yet. Outside of school I like to work and utilize my spare time. In my spare time I like to go and taste different foods around town with my girlfriend. My girlfriend is amazing, sweet and way to good for me. She’s my best friend in female form. I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for us. I love photography and art in general, I am a fan unnamed of art from the Renaissance era. I love knowledege, and learning about history. Particularly, historic events and stories from many cultures. I am an avid football fan (peep the Matt Patricia shirt) I love the Detroit Lions, they are undeniably my favorite sports team. I’m all about the HONOLULU AND BLUE. During football season I watch all the games and keep up with the teams until January. I am from Detroit, and one of the things about being from Detroit; is wanting to be succcessful to make your famiy proud, and break the chain. I feel like far too often my city is disrespected and the punchline in a lot of jokes. One of my goals is do everything in my power as a citizen, to make Detroit a better city and a greater community for my little brothers to grow up in.